My new favorite song - King of Anything by Sara Bareilles

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
Ride off into your dellusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see

You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

All my life I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt, And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

I love it when I find a song that says it exactly the way I feel. I know some parts of this song are a little harsh, but I find it hard to tell people exactly how I feel without it turning into a big debate. I feel like no one stops to ask if I am happy. Well I am. I love my life. I love my husband. I sometimes feel like he is the only one who accepts me exactly the way I am. I wouldn't change one thing. The only thing that hurts me is people thinking that I'm not. Please just be happy that I'm happy and leave it at that. Just love me the way I am without trying to change me. I don't mean to hurt anyone by this, but I am tired of being hurt. Which sadly enough is pretty often.

Party

I have found out something about myself I really didn't know til last weekend. I am the life of the party as long as it's a normal party. When things are being done that aren't the norm, in my world, my walls go up and I tried very hard, but I could not get them to come down. I felt stupid, cuz I was now the person who instead of being in the middle of everything I was the wall flower. I am usually the fun one, the crazy one, the "I can't believe she just did that" one. Even though I had a great time it just wasn't the same. It made me feel really old. But hey I figure that has to be some kind of record to be 30 the first (and last) time I went to a bar. I'm sorry but I really don't see the appeal. The dancing was fun, but people wouldn't stay out of my "purple circle". I found out a wedding ring is a great repellant. All I had to do is point it towards the men and they would stop their advances. Maybe I am letting my OCD run my life a little, but that place was sooooo dirty. Maybe that is why I couldn't relax. Oh well, it was still a really fun night that I won't ever forget and it's always a good thing to try something new to see if you like it. Apparently I don't like being out of my comfort zone, but then again, who does?

Washington

I am getting more and more excited to go to Washington. Not only will I get to see Brent's family, but I'm going to Forks for my birthday. My friend Brooke, who has already been there twice, is willing to get together with me so she can show me on a map the best places to go. I hope we can fit it all in one day. She says the beaches were the best. I want to go to Seattle while up there too. I love Pike's market. I have a ring that I bought there once that needs repaired. I hope the guy will help me out. Only a few more weeks. Yay!!!!

Bell's Palsey

It's week two of this Bell's Palsey thing and things aren't too bad. I started back to work yesterday after having last week off. I am not tired like I was on the steroids, but face was very fatigued by the end of the day. Luckily the only people who noticed something was off were patients who know me well and I felt comfortable to explain what was going on. My friend Rosanne, that I do trade massage with, gave me a few of her oils to put on everynight before bed and I have been massaging my face and neck a few times a day. My eyebrow moves a little more and it's easier to close that eye. The last 3 days my face feels bruised, but I guess pain is good when compared to numbness. It means the nerves are trying to wake up. The doc was shocked by the progress I've had in such a short time, so it just reaffirms my faith in massage. It really does help alot. Hopefully I can cut my time by half.

My Face :(

Well I went to see the doc today because the left side of my face has gone numb and I can't really use it. Turns out I have Bells Palsey. It's a part of the herpes virus that was released in my body when I had Chicken Pox. It attacks the nerve roots that run through a hole in the back of my head and into the face. The doc gave me an antiviral and a steroid. So yeah, this really sucks. I can't really taste anything, I can't close that eye without closing both so putting on makeup is fun, and Clint keeps calling me Elvis, cuz when I smile only one side goes up. Well at least it's only suppose to last 4-8 weeks. Grrrr.

Babies

Please everyone send happy positive thoughts our direction. This whole trying to get pregnant thing really sucks. It's frustrating that the Klomid hasn't worked. It sucks trying not to tell anyone that we're trying, but that's all you can think about all day long, so it always comes up. Then I feel that I let them down that it's like, "Nope not this month." Grrrr. And yes I know that they don't feel that way, but I do. I have decided that I can't do the Klomid again next month. The toll it's taking on my body is way too much for me to handle. We are really hoping everything works out for us. So please remember us in your prayers. Thanks. :)

Good Day

You know those days where it seems like time has sped up and you don't get anything done. Well today is not that day. I didn't even get going til 11am, but today I have cleaned the house, washed my bedding, went to the store, paid the bills, and I am making a roast with potatoes and carrots for dinner. The Rhodes rolls are still rising. And I still feel great. Then tonight I am going to cut Joe's hair, so his mom doesn't make him get it cut by the students at Evans. The kids look like they've been cut with a weed wacker. Then ma and I are going to go tanning for her psoriasis. It's barely 4pm and it feels like it should be 10pm. Today is going to be a good day. :)